It’s time once again for The Future American’s FAIL OF THE WEEK! Every Saturday, I name a person or group who has spent the past seven days behaving in a particularly idiotic way. Since it’s my belief that idiocy knows no politics, nobody is safe.
This week’s fail was brought to you by conservative columnist Charlotte Allen, who has been featured in well-known right-wing media outlets for quite a number of years, but still isn’t famous enough for her own Wikipedia page. I’m sure she hasn’t heard the end of it for a recent column of hers that went viral for its utter lack of forethought. But this failure is so comprehensive that it merits a full-scale deconstruction, six days after the fact. Doing her part for the Republican chadash (Hebrew for “renewal”), Allen, who is clearly stuck in Dayton, October 2008, nominates a 2016 candidate: former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK).
Are you done laughing yet? Good. At least you weren’t blinded with rage over the fact that she’s already talking about 2016. Anyway, here’s Allen’s case for President Palin, in bullet-point form:
- has a single-mom daughter
- consistent on social issues
- pro-states’ rights
- has a military son
- Ronald Reagan also had baggage
And here’s what’s wrong with that list:
- She hasn’t been even close to blue-collar since the 2008 election.
- She pisses on the media too much to want to be savvy with it.
- Bristol is a sanctimonious twit who has no connection with your average, struggling young single mom.
- She’s consistent on social issues in a way that voters just rejected . . .
- . . . which at times overrides her preference for states’ rights.
- Who cares about Track?
- Who cares what she looks like?
- She wasn’t too tough to quit being governor!
- Ronald Reagan never had to deal with the Internet constantly reminding voters of his baggage.
Aside from the Palin-bots who, bizarrely, still exist, left-wingers are hugely supportive of this idea. If you can’t figure out why, rejoice, for you are at least as insightful as Allen. Thankfully, based on recent events, it’s likelier that the Republican Party will avoid a candidate who reminds them of Palin the way they’d avoid that weird lady on the bus who talks to herself. Might I recommend someone who actually intimidates Democrats for more than a couple of weeks? This is about winning elections, isn’t it?