The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 11

“After a tough week in Washington, [President] Obama shifts to economy.” Is “shift” really the right word for this? With all three scandals still dominating the headlines, “distract” is more like it. Yes, the economy is a distraction now. God help us.

Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) says the Benghazi talking point revisions had no impact on the 2012 presidential election. “That’s what pisses us off!” says every Republican defense hawk in America.

Religious groups ramp up complaints against the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), now, too, accusing them of improper targeting. Why do I have the feeling that everyone will accuse the IRS of improper targeting in the next week or so? That’s why you should always target properly.

The Pentagon asks Congress to redirect Afghanistan-related funds to other areas of its budget, particularly transportation, due to high fuel costs. They also need to pay for “8,400 more offices,” holy crap. Are you sure that wasn’t a typo and they really want more “officers?” Nobody needs that many offices!

The tech industry waits with bated breath for the presentation of high-skilled immigration legislation. Has anyone seen anyone else demanding that the tech industry step up retraining efforts for long-term unemployed Americans, in order to fill their own labor shortages? Because if that hasn’t come up, that’s disappointing.

Rep. Lois Capps (D-CA) puts forward legislation calling for a national strategy dealing with the health effects of climate change. She’d have a better chance at earning bipartisan support if she talked about pollution, as opposed to climate change. Republicans still have too much breathing room to get away with ignoring it.

There’s a new effort in Congress to require labels on genetically modified (GM) foods. I don’t have a problem with labeling; I do have a problem with pushing this before anyone presents evidence that years of GM consumption has altered the human body. Is it really more than just a suspicion?

Canadian politics develops three scandals of its own: This one, this one and this one. I know, they’re pretty lame as far as scandals go, but give us credit for trying.

Russia sends a new load of anti-ship cruise missiles (with advanced radar technology!) to Syria. Here’s Secretary of State John Kerry: “I think we have made it crystal clear that we would prefer that Russia is not supplying assistance.” Yes, but have you made Russia give a shit about your preference? Because that’s what matters.

Congress gets tired of waiting around for the White House and passes a new round of sanctions against Iran. If anyone is worried about how other countries that still trade with Iran would react, well, there’s your geopolitical argument for natural gas exports, or just helping them frack.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 10

My latest Winnipeg Sun column, in which I attack people who make asses of themselves ostensibly in the service of a cause. The commenters on this one don’t like me very much. My guess is they are “those guys.”

President Obama spends the week doing what he does best: reiterating points he’s been making for months to years on end. This time it’s about guns. By all means, enjoy.

Air travel returns to normal, with related sequester cuts coming to an end. This is good news for community cancer clinics, who will now have an easier time flying to Washington to demand why they weren’t first priority. (And, honestly, why?)

Republicans are happy that the Benghazi scandal – yes, it’s a scandal, accept it – proves them with some ammunition against former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, should she decide to run in 2016. I’d advise against it right now until they find a smoking gun with her name on it. So far it’s deflectable for her.

Republicans are also unhappy with Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, who has personally asked health executives and community groups to donate to other groups pushing for enrollment in Obamacare. It doesn’t sound great, but I’m sure some HHS official would have done it if she hadn’t.

Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) is just chillin’, with other Republicans doing the leg work on debt reduction and immigration. It may sound like laziness, but I assure you that other House Republicans are thrilled that he’s out of their way.

They’re also thrilled that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) called them “obsessed” with Benghazi. Americans may want to discuss this very soon, Nance. Prepare yourself.

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) gets a role in immigration reform: writing a bill for modifications to rules for highly skilled and educated foreign workers. Hey, Darrell, think you can do something for mid-skilled workers while you’re at it?

Canada threatens to take the European Union (EU) to the World Trade Organization (WTO) over labeling bitumen as “highly polluting.” Did anyone in the Canadian government not see that coming?

Afghan and U.S. officials meet to work on a plan for America’s role in the region, post-troop withdrawal. I’m guessing someone close to Afghan President Hamid Karzai keeps trying to add “money” to the list.

The White House drafts a framework for balancing environmental, security and resource interests in the Arctic. I don’t want to hear any “U.S. sovereignty” arguments about treaties that would help mitigate oil spills there. It isn’t just U.S. territory.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 9

Liberals are unhappy with President Obama’s idea for Medicare to cover hospital and doctor care under a single deductible. It does seem like an excessive cost for patients who don’t use one or the other. But feel free to sell me on this. I’m not closed off yet.

“Whistleblowers” from the State Department will testify on what went wrong internally that may have led to the Benghazi consulate attack. More information is better than less, but I have a hard time taking the guy who says “For me, the Taliban is on the inside of the [State Department]” seriously.

Attorney General Eric Holder and Gov. Sam Brownback (R-KS) square off over a state law that lays felony charges against (some) federal authorities that try to enforce federal law that supersedes state law. The lack of constitutionality in this case (which may not be entirely one-sided) is so comprehensive that every birther in America just exploded.

Gov. Sean Parnell (R-AK) will not run against Sen. Mark Begich (D-AK) in 2014. I doubt there was a substantial “Draft Parnell” effort anywhere, although Republicans may have had a shot with him.

Senate Democrats rally behind a five-year farm bill in order to keep some red-state seats. I’m fine with the food stamps as long as they’re restricted to the truly needy, but farm subsidies? Lose ‘em.

Kentucky Secretary of State Allison Lundergan Grimes, who may or may not run against Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), plans to attend Kentucky Derby parties held by two prominent state Democrats. That seems pretty standard-issue; where else would she go for a Derby party?

Rep. Marcy Kaptur (D-OH) tweets (jokingly) that Obama is “the worst socialist ever,” then deletes it. I can see how easily that could be misinterpreted, but the satirical intent came to me instantly; anyone who didn’t get it would have a severely underdeveloped sense of irony. Pray for their souls.

CNN host Piers Morgan and Breitbart.com editor-at-large Ben Shapiro snipe at each other. I’ve been humming this ever since.

The Canadian government needs someone to write new commercials for ~*Canada’s Economic Action Plan!*~. Hell, I can do that without getting a government contract. All you need is a 30-second clip of Prime Minister Stephen Harper giving Opposition parties the finger from a pile of money.

Afghan President Hamid Karzai is confident that the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) will keep paying him for God knows what. Did anyone pick up an “or else” undertone?

Obama endorses immigration reform and improved trade as a means toward new Latin American markets for American companies. Expect to hear from many Americans who don’t buy either method.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 8

My latest Winnipeg Sun column, in which I discuss one of many flaws with the 2013 Manitoba budget.

Guess who Republican National Committee (RNC) chairman Reince Priebus blames for the sequester’s effect on air travel? Congress? Haha, no. Of course not.

Vice President Biden insists that Newtown was “the straw that broke the camel’s back” when it comes to gun control. In terms of public opinion, he’s correct. But that doesn’t matter on the Senate floor.

No one knows how the online sales tax will move through the House; Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) haven’t taken positions. I believe they’re still waiting for Grover Norquist’s instructions. Give it a week.

Sen. Jim Inhofe and Rep. Frank Lucas (R-OK) introduce legislation preventing government agencies from buying ammunition so Americans can buy more. Because the problem with bullets is that everyday Americans don’t have enough. You may now clear off some space on your desk and bang your head on it repeatedly.

With Elvis impersonator Kevin Curtis cleared in the investigation into Sen. Roger Wicker’s (R-MS) ricin-gram, martial arts instructor Everett Dutschke has been arrested, and it’s hinted that the initial arrest was a frame job. So he’s not a complete bonehead.

Rep. Dutch “If You Think My Name is Weird You Should Find Out What ‘Connie Mack’ is Short For” Ruppersberger (D-MD) addresses threats from Anonymous to members of Congress over the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA). But Congress listens when the on-radar websites complain.

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) doesn’t care if you mistake him for Jon Hamm. I’d make a Dick Whitman joke, but I don’t know the show well enough, so someone can make it for me.

Smaller banks and credit unions unite against the impact of banking regulation on them. I’m inclined to agree that there should be different levels of regulation for different types of financial institutions, but feel free to convince me otherwise.

Various Canadians conflate criticism of Liberal Party leader Justin Trudeau (Papineau) with bullying. Many of these people haven’t been teenagers for a while.

President Obama now suspects chemical weapon use in Syria, but needs solid proof first. So if the red line has indeed been crossed, what will he do about it?

Lawmakers are now bragging about closer cooperation with Russia to defeat the “threat” from Chechnya. They’d better know that there is a long-term threat from Chechnya and not a single attack from two guys who happened to be Chechens.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 7

The Boston Marathon attack “threatens to disrupt” President Obama’s agenda, specifically on immigration, which is baffling considering the attack happened under current law. If we’re going to bring reform efforts into this, we should be discussing sensible ways to add to them, not halt them.

Sens. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and John McCain (R-AZ) want Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to be tried as an enemy combatant and denied the right to counsel. I would support a continued suspension of his Miranda rights if we had evidence that he had planned another imminent attack; since no such evidence has turned up, I say, treat him like the U.S. citizen he (unfortunately) is. (But consider revoking his citizenship later. That wouldn’t be the least sensible immigration reform.)

Security for the White House Correspondents’ Dinner will likely get a boost due to the bombings. You know what else needs to get a boost? The quality of the guests.

A battle over federal regulation begins in the aftermath of the fertilizer plant explosion in West, Texas. I just want it noted that Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) wants federal disaster aid for this. Cough.

Another battle takes shape, this time in Congress, over cybersecurity legislation. I’m inclined to support any bill that abolishes penalties for listening or watching copyrighted entertainment online for non-presentation, non-profit purposes. Because penalties like that are just cracked.

Demonstrating how parties can wage political retribution without whipping (take note, Canada), ex-White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley demands that Sen. Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND) give his $25,000 donation check back. This isn’t Walgreens, pal. This is politics. She does it better than you.

Speaking of which, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and friends are targeting the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) over plans to regulate greenhouse gases. I’d like them all to have a sit-down with one of several fiscal conservatives who believes carbon taxation is the best way to go. (By the way, watching ideologues argue with wonks is the funniest thing ever.)

Manitoba’s provincial government is made of assholes. And the worst thing is, plenty of Manitobans are defending them over this budget. Look out for my next Winnipeg Sun column on this.

The marathon attack raises questions about how Russia will get involved. Just know that if they send the living Tsarnaev back to Russia, President Vladimir Putin may or may not kill him with his bare hands, unless Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov, an ally of Putin’s, does it first.

Germany offers to supply some of its troops to Afghanistan for training purposes after combat troops leave. How thoughtful of them. Now we can keep fewer of ours there!

Disposal Day #170: So much drama

STORY #1: Got ‘em (sort of)

I don’t remember ever using the “news” tag for any column other than the Sunday Drill, but I can’t lump all of the stories we’re focusing on today into one tag, so just go with it. Let’s start with the biggest: One suspect is dead; the second is on the loose; both are suspected of being of Chechen heritage and have been dubbed “terrorists”; and Boston is on lockdown. Meanwhile, President Obama’s speech at Boston’s interfaith prayer service went over very well, satisfying his sole responsibility in this case.

Too bad CNN and the New York Post weren’t quite as on point this week. The Post I can let go, because its reputation isn’t one of accuracy on the best of days. But CNN? What the hell went on there? As a journalism student, we learned to double-confirm all sources; I don’t recall whether or not it was explicitly stated that at least one of them ought to be credible, but it’s a pretty good idea. CNN’s screw-up on the suspect search is the kind of sloppy reporting that The Newsroom is made of. That’s how bad it was.

STORY #2: Shot down

I had a beef with the Senate’s background check expansion bill; naturally, it was the opposite of the National Rifle Association’s (NRA) beef. If you’re tempted to blame them as one of the many pernicious special interests destroying Washington, I can only remind you that the politicians with whom you agree have their own special interests. So why did it fail, especially considering massive public support? It comes down to a number of Democrats in conservative states who wanted to save their skins.

This brings up an interesting discussion about the choice between representing the people who elected you and voting your own conscience. (Thanks to vote-whipping, Canadian politicians rarely have this problem.) Yes, doing the former looks like a cynical political move. And a politician should have the guts to risk losing the next election, which isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. But the point of the Senate is for each state to have a voice, is it not? I welcome discussion.

STORY #3: All shook up

Pro tips for anyone mailing ricin to the president, a U.S. senator and a state official: 1. Don’t put your initials in the letter. 2. Don’t re-post the rest of the message on Facebook. 3. These people generally don’t open their own mail. 4. You’re insane. Another argument for more government support for the mentally ill and this time it didn’t involve a firearm – I feel like calling that progress for some reason. Honestly, though, is there anything more hilarious than “crazy Elvis impersonator tries to poison Mississippi senator?” I haven’t taken a villain less seriously since the eco-terrorist from season 6 of Desperate Housewives. (Not that I ever watched that show. I swear.)

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 6

My latest Winnipeg Sun column, in which I explore the possible impact of U.S. shale gas growth on our (awful) provincial energy utility, Manitoba Hydro.

President Obama calls for increased funding for the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC). Wall Street hawks don’t seem to care that either body is underfunded. They do care that they’ve been underacting when it comes to doling out punishments for the financial crisis.

Republicans aren’t as enthused as their own leadership is (was?) about Obama’s proposal for using the chained consumer price index (CPI) to calculate Social Security payouts. They can criticize it however much they want, but spare me this “attack on seniors” rhetoric. Future seniors need a solvent fund.

Immigration reform update: Farm workers will have improved access to green cards and family reunification. Which they deserve, considering how flat the DEY TURK ER JERBZ argument falls in their case.

Traditional broadcasters go whining to Congress about an Internet video service that allows consumers to watch TV shows for free. I have just one word for you: Uber.

Gov. Nathan Deal (R-GA) exposes himself as America’s biggest chickenshit. It’s not hard, guy. Integration good, segregation dumb.

Sen. Mitch McConnell’s (R-KY) campaign team may or may not be right that the left-wing super PAC Progress Kentucky bugged his office. Who’s running this group, anyway? Teenage Karl Rove?

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX) tweets a campaign slogan that makes him sound like a Daily Kos caricature of what Republicans are really like. Seriously, WTF?

Rep. Steve Cohen (D-TN) tweets about Cyndi Lauper for a reason that makes no goddamn sense. If you want to drum up publicity for Tennessee, do what everyone else does and perform on Grand Ole Opry.

Former Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) plans to open a foreign policy institute. Hey, Graham from Winnipeg, have they got a networking opportunity for you!

Recent economic numbers haven’t been great, but Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper assures us that the outlook is still good. He then cut to 17 different Canada’s Economic Action Plan ads.

The Islamist wing of the Syrian rebellion formally merges with al-Qaeda’s Iraqi wing, screwing up chances of U.S. intervention. I don’t want to say I told you so, but . . . no, wait, I do want to say that.

The U.S. is happy that the Kaesong industrial park, jointly operated by North and South Korea, has been shut down and hopes to keep it that way. And, really, considering the strength of their economy, would the South really suffer by losing it?

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 5

President Obama admits that his budget proposal isn’t ideal by his own standards, but is the most passable version he can draft. Based on this article, it doesn’t sound much unlike every other set of economic ideas he’s ever presented, so don’t expect it to last long.

So far, Vice President Biden isn’t giving up part of his paycheck for sequester-related window-dressing purposes, but he will if some of his staff is furloughed. Here’s a thought, Joe: You could do it now. This thing affects more people than your staff.

The White House isn’t happy with a new law hindering the government’s ability to purchase Chinese technology, for security reasons. As skeptical as I am that it will significantly improve information security, I have to wonder why they can’t find superior technology from a friendlier country, if they can only get it from outside the U.S.

Some new guidelines for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) raids are established. Delightful. Can we apply some of those same guidelines to pot raids, too?

House Republicans prepare a list of things they’d like to keep funding should the U.S. hit the debt ceiling in May, which includes cybersecurity, autism research and ending taxpayer funding of presidential campaigns and party conventions. Well, at least they got those ones right.

Outside donors have spent $1.25 million to fill the Senate seat vacated by Secretary of State John Kerry, most of it going to Rep. Ed Markey’s (D-MA) campaign, despite his promise to keep it out. If he takes all the outside checks and donates them to charity, I’ll forgive him for this.

Gov. Sam Brownback (R-KS) wants the federal government to emulate his tax reform ideas, which reads like a fiscal conservative’s wet dream but would net a much worse political backlash than he probably did. Just a reminder.

Read Bloomberg blogger Josh Barro’s excellent take on one of the real problems with cable news: that it doesn’t rely on expert guests enough and often frames complex policy issues entirely in political terms. I know the feeling. Trust me.

Sun News’s David Akin has another great one on the Canadian government’s promotional spending. Conservative Party, my ass. Not since they were in Opposition.

Everyone wants to know if Qatar is supplying rebel Islamist militants in Syria with weapons. Read this to find out why the U.S. hasn’t supplied the rebels with weapons, if you don’t already know.

The White House touts the Czech Republic’s shipment of all of its enriched uranium to Russia, who plans to downgrade it for energy. I like to amuse myself by asking what a President Romney would have to say about that. We wouldn’t be using the word “tout,” I’ll say that much.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 4

It took nearly a month for President Obama to hit the links after the sequestration took effect. I can think of other things to do with those clubs. . . .

Obama likes infrastructure. Republicans like Keystone XL. I like a) both and b) using golf clubs for the purpose of inflicting blunt-force trauma upon politicians who repeat themselves.

Congress has decided that in order to ensure budgets actually pass, they should only revise them every two years, instead of every year. It’s not the worst idea I’ve heard lately, but it wouldn’t do much to solve other problems, like using spending legislation to achieve partisan policy ends.

Should the Supreme Court decide to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), gay-rights groups plan to use Congress to kill it, instead of the judiciary. This may be the first time in history that they’d have a good shot at getting such legislation through.

Everyone gets mad at Rep. Don Young (R-AK) for referring to his father’s Hispanic farm workers as “wetbacks.” I am not, because that word evokes memories of one of the best South Park episodes ever.

Another apology comes from conservative “rising star” Dr. Ben Carson, who implicitly compared homosexuals to pedophiles and zoophiles. What people have forgotten about his remark is that it keeps up the “don’t change the definition of marriage” trope, which is older than this guy’s balls.

Yet another apology comes from Rep. Bruce Braley (D-IA), who posted “#TrailofTears” in reference to a March Madness game, while the real Trail of Tears refers to a mass, deadly Native American migration. So many apologies! You people are getting way too Canadian.

Business and labor interests have agreed on a mutually appealing guest worker program. I just want to emphasize that two interest groups, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the AFL-CIO, are doing the legislating here. And if that doesn’t scare the living daylights out of you, you, too, may be a lobbyist.

“Hockey helps Canada’s economy grow again in January.” My homeland is its own cliché. I’m just glad they didn’t talk about the upswing in national consumer spending thanks to this.

Israeli approval ratings of Obama are higher since he visited the state. Here’s a secret for American politicians (and non-Israeli guys who want to date Israeli women): Israelis hate it when anyone dumbs things down. They like intellectual depth. If you have any and you visit Israel, don’t suppress it.

The White House says it’s taking new warmongering from North Korea “seriously,” even though we all know they’re really not. I’m telling you guys, bomb the command-and-control now so we can all go home.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 5, No. 3

President Obama urges Congress to hold a vote on banning assault weapons now, and not after the Easter recess, which was Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s (D-NV) idea. Worried about that B rating from the National Rifle Association (NRA), Harry? What was that phrase The Onion used? “Cowering sack of shit?”

Speaking of the NRA, they approve of Sen. Jim Inhofe’s (R-OK) amendment opposing the U.S. joining the United Nations (UN) Arms Trade Treaty. I’m going to get into this tomorrow, but much like other legislation opposing UN treaties, there’s not much to worry about with this one.

The Senate passes its first budget in four years. E-mail me if you’ve just started sobbing at how pathetic that sounds and would like me to send you some tissues.

The Senate also “overwhelmingly endorses” the idea of states collecting taxes on online sales, even if the product originated elsewhere. I must wonder if this would have been avoided if America had a federal consumption tax in the first place.

Lt. Gov. Mead Treadwell (R-AK) rejects more gun control, who may run for Senate, despite having family ties to Newtown. In fairness, he does support improvements to the mental health system, but that’s a narrow approach to the issue either way.

Sen. Marco Rubio’s (R-FL) budget amendment that would criminalize the provision of abortions to minors outside their home state fails. The word for unrelated amendments like these is “non-germane.” That’s too polite for my tastes. Let’s call them “fucking pointless.”

Much like Sen. John Hoeven’s (R-ND) “symbolic” amendment approving Keystone XL, which passed solidly. He gets it by now, John. You love Keystone. Thank you.

Thanks to sequestration, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) shuts down 149 air traffic towers, forcing their employees to find somewhere else to have a nap.

Yes, I have noticed that almost every U.S. news bit I’ve posted today relates to the Senate. I’m sure the House will be up to its usual headline-grabbing bullshit next week.

Read David Akin’s take on Canada’s federal budget. It sums up everything that’s wrong with how our government attracts votes.

Congress defunds a program supplying military aid to Pakistan that was ones backed by Gen. David Petraeus. Remember when people listened to him about everything? That era is over.

The UN opens a probe into North Korea’s human rights abuses. And it’s about time, considering they’ve already condemned Canada for not having enough supermarkets in inner cities. (Which is a municipal issue, for God’s sake. Look into it.)