The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 12

Alan Simpson and Erskine Bowles remind you not to be a dumbass (when it comes to the federal debt). Although I really wish Simpson would have taken President Obama to the woodshed for putting his political welfare over the need to make tough choices.

BREAKING: Obama didn’t just smoke pot in high school – he smoked a lot of pot! This complete waste of time brought to you by unauthorized biographer David Maraniss.

Obama calls on Congress to extend green tax credits for the sake of jobs. After Solyndra, these may prove to be the least popular non-artistic tax credits ever.

Meanwhile, Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) seems to have the comprehensive energy strategy everyone has longed for. For everyone who is worried, I assure you that she doesn’t view “Drill, baby, drill” as a comprehensive anything.

Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA), or at least his spokesperson, says birtherism has no place in his presidential campaign. He then told high-profile endorser (and birther) Donald Trump to shove his hairplugs up his ass. Guess which sentence is true.

House members campaigning for the Senate learn that their Washington experience is more of a liability than an asset among voters. I like to think that people just don’t trust House members with a more sober office, but perhaps that’s overly optimistic.

The Pentagon: “We don’t want or need those extra tanks.” Congress: “Too bad.” Dysfunction, ladies and gentlemen.

Congress adds Israel to the list of countries whose citizens are eligible for E-2 visas, which allow foreign investors to come into the country to help develop businesses into which they have invested. Given Israel’s technology industry, I am honestly stunned that they weren’t on that list a decade ago.

State Rep./congressional candidate/pastor Ted Vick (R-SC53) gets a DUI with a co-ed in the car. And that was the end of that.

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird calls Syrian violence “very disconcerting.” You know what else is very disconcerting? The fact that everyone forgot how to speak bluntly. Just call it evil.

Egyptian presidential candidate Mohamed Mursi promises Sharia law if he is elected. The sad thing is that a lot of Egyptians will probably want to take him up on it.

Brazilian Finance Minister Guido Mantega blames the global financial crisis (the one Greece is causing?) for a lower-than-expected economic forecast in his own country. Yeah. It’s all their fault.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 11

In the wake of the JPMorgan scandal, President Obama demands implementation of banking regulations he signed two years ago. How much better would the government look if they stopped having that long of a grace period to do their job?

Democrats accuse Republicans of trying to sabotage the economy to hurt Obama’s re-election hopes. If that’s what they’re doing, they’d better hope Americans are too dumb to notice when Congress is being ridiculous. (They’re not.)

Joe Ricketts, the man behind the leaked Obama/Wright ad campaign – I call him the Ten-Million-Dollar Asshole, named for the amount of money in that campaign’s budget – donated to everyone in the GOP presidential race. Want proof that wealth doesn’t guarantee job creation? Here it is.

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett demands verification of Obama’s birth certificate, on the grounds that “a constituent” doesn’t believe it’s real. If you asked Obama, do you think he’d want to be on the ballot in Arizona?

Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) promises greater engagement with NATO partners, while offering no specific policy promises beyond reversing automatic defense cuts. Hands up, anyone who trusts him on foreign policy. Anyone? Bueller?

Romney also vows to approve the Keystone XL pipeline the second he becomes president. In fact, he’s so serious about getting it built that he will hire his own illegals to build it.

A profile of Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA), the top-ranking Republican woman in Congress. I like that she has found a way to appeal to women with free-market rhetoric, but it would be nice if she understood that some of those women don’t or won’t have children.

The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) agrees to revisit a rule that would exempt cargo airlines from rules preventing pilot fatigue. Because a tired pilot who carries stuff risks an accident less than a tired pilot who carries passengers? Dumb.

Shit gets real in Quebec, where protests continue and the government has obviously run out of options. And this is why the rest of us act Canadian and not European.

A European bank approves 1 billion euros for reconstruction efforts in Arab Spring nations. Odds that most of it will fund something less than reconstructive? Five to one.

Brits love the monarchy more now than in decades! I can’t tell if these polls measure support or just fascination.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 10

President Obama urges voters to “nag” Congress to pass the best his economic policies. Wouldn’t it be easier to get their spouses to do it?

Former green jobs czar Van Jones trumpets policies that, apparently, have led the U.S. to become the world’s fastest-growing oil exporter. Again, the embargo against Iranian oil goes completely unmentioned, even though that probably helped.

The White House releases new steps to curb internal spending. Those of you who were angered by the General Services Administration (GSA) scandal may be impressed, but deficit hawks will prefer new steps to curb external spending.

Gov. Mitt Romney’s (R-MA) graduation address at Liberty University is remarkably pander-free, at least in comparison to most of what he says. I’m sure most of the faculty found this incredibly disappointing.

Gov. Bill Haslam (R-TN) signs a bill banning the discussion of heavy petting in sex education classes, as all permutations thereof are “gateway sexual activities.” But don’t worry about it too much. I know of no hormonal teenager who couldn’t figure out how that works on their first try.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) keeps her mouth shut on legislation that would prevent the Department of Justice to spend taxpayer money to lie to Congress. If she does open it, I hope “Let’s prevent every branch of government from lying, even for free” comes out.

Pinal County’s Sheriff Paul Babeu (R-AZ) drops his congressional bid after revealing a threat he made against a former boyfriend, instead choosing to run for re-election as sheriff. Are people angrier about the threat or the fact that it was a boyfriend?

Due to lax laws over water borders, lobstermen near (ironically) Friendship, Maine, sabotage each other’s boats. Cod fishers in Canada have dealt with this for years, except I know of no sinkings.

The opposition New Democrats lead the governing Conservatives in Canadian polls after naming new leader Thomas Mulcair. Don’t hold your breath, Harper haters, the honeymoon will end soon enough.

Israelis demonstrate against income inequality and high rents. Good God, I thought the Israelis, of all people, would come up with something more original.

Jean-Luc Melenchon of the Left Front and Marine Le Pen of the National Front plan to run for the same seat in France. If I lived in that district, I’d run.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 9

Another jobs report that fell short of expectations. I believe this is the second or third month in a row with results like this, so you can start worrying now.

President Obama kicks off his re-election campaign with rallies in “must-win states.” I must say I find it depressing that an incumbent president would not apply this standard to all the states. Or any candidate, for that matter.

Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA), by talking about how everyday folks on the campaign trail tell him about their struggles, essentially admits that he doesn’t know what that’s like. Which, by his standards, is refreshing honesty.

The controversy over Chen Guangcheng is muddled by the fact that he changed his mind about how he wants the U.S. to help him. I’ll cover this in greater depth tomorrow, but it must be said that the U.S. doesn’t owe him a commitment to do whatever he wants them to do, as much as I’m on his side about China.

Someone astutely points out that if Sen. Dick Lugar (R-IN) loses the primary contest against some asshole who I can’t be bothered to name, the Democrats might actually run a candidate for that seat. And that’s not to mention the credibility, experience and sensibility they’d be losing.

The House actually reaches an agreement on a fairly sensible economic program! Mark this date for posterity, kids. You might not see this again for a long time.

Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) is open to Sen. Marco Rubio’s (R-FL) immigration plan, but is concerned that it doesn’t make any major systemic changes to immigration policy. Yeah, neither does your party’s version.

Even the Supreme Court isn’t immune to shifts in public opinion; they stand at 52 percent approval. I guarantee that most of this is due to diametrically opposing fears about how they’ll rule on Obamacare.

Disgraced ex-Canadian media mogul Conrad Black is welcomed home with a temporary resident permit. I hate to say this, but as little as I want either of them back in Canada, legally speaking, Omar Khadr has more of a right to be here than Black does.

Libya’s new government is pro-free speech – unless it’s pro-Gaddafi. And that’s why you should never blindly trust the anti-despots.

The Putin Presidential Paradox: He technically has more power, but less people are willing to let him wield it without a fight. Just get a few tigers shipped to the Kremlin for him to fight, that’ll shut them up good.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 8

President Obama mocks everything at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Have I mentioned that being invited to this event is one of the top five items on my bucket list?

Also at the dinner, supporters of the late Andrew Breitbart rally against . . . something. They’re even more vague than the Day of Action protesters in Canada, and that’s saying volumes.

On a more serious note, Obama wants you to remember that he gave the order to kill Osama bin Laden. Only under this circumstance would an incumbent president paint someone’s death as a victory. (Not that I disagree, but it merits mention.)

Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) encourages young unemployed Americans to borrow from their parents to finance college or a new business. Please write a 100-word paragraph on how this statement reflects Romney’s inability to grasp issues facing middle-class households. The best writer will win a cookie.

Speaking of which, a bill to extend lowered interest rates on student loans may stall because of another half-related policy rider. People, this is lawmaking, not SimCity. Focus on the issue at hand, would you?

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) differ in their endorsements for the seat held by Sen. Dick Lugar (R-IN). Guess who I picked?

Environmental Protection Agency administrator Al Armendariz is kind of a moron. Did he really think saying this would go unnoticed?

Quebec Premier Jean Charest tries and fails to appease student rioters. Let’s hope he replaces the carrot with the stick next time, and I kind of mean that literally.

Egyptian reformist Mohamed ElBaradei is back in the saddle with a new political party. It’s about time! Where has he been lately?

A UK supermarket chain extends a boycott of products not from Israel, but from Israeli settlements in the West Bank. To all those who continue to advocate for Israeli boycotts, if you must do it, do it this way. Plenty of us Jews here in the West don’t like those settlements, either.

Vacation update: Writing this about an hour after we landed back in Winnipeg. Spent the morning at Temple Israel, the largest Reform Jewish synagogue in Minneapolis. Later, had a conversation on the bus with a very fun woman named Cherice (I have no idea how her name is actually spelled but it was pronounced that way) about all the cool stuff to do in town, and about her experience as a teacher.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 7

(Some) Republicans blame President Obama for the Secret Service scandal. I leave it to you, the reader, to come up with the most devastating snark possible for this one.

Meanwhile, Obama blames Republicans for student debt, a topic which appears to be the new centerpiece of his re-election strategy. And, really, why is post-secondary education so damned expensive in the U.S.? I’ve heard the “attracting top talent” argument before; at some point, top talent may have to accept what they can get.

Former Gov. Jeb Bush (R-FL) insists that former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) select Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) as a running mate over him. I wonder if all these voices of JOOOIIIIN UUUUSSSS will eventually cause Rubio to change his mind?

Longtime Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) gets sucked into a primary fight with Dan Liljenquist, a 37-year-old challenger who is running, essentially, on the basis of his youth and not any major ideological or policy differences. That’s not a virtue for you any more than Hatch’s seniority is a virtue for him, honey. Keep trying.

A congressional move to end unconditional farm subsidies is hindered by a fight over food stamps. I wonder if the Democrats realize that the same waste and fraud they’re hoping to eliminate from farm subsidies could, conceivably, be eliminated from the food stamp program.

Montreal students continue to be self-centered and violent. This, Manitoba friends, is why our tuition is more expensive: Our politicians are smart enough not to give us a treat that we’d rise up to defend. (But we’d probably rise up if we had to pay as much as American students!)

According to the White House, the days of Syrian President Bashar Assad are numbered, but they don’t have a number yet. Honestly, they could have pulled one straight out of their ass and people would have approved.

Socialist candidate François Hollande may end up becoming the next president of France by tomorrow. Another socialist head of state in Europe? Man the lifeboats.

Vacation update: Yesterday’s flight to Minneapolis and drive to hotel in Brooklyn Center (a suburb) went very smoothly. We decided to buy a small amount of groceries so we wouldn’t have to pay for every meal this week, but we got lost multiple times trying to find Cub Foods. When we finally headed back, we were so sore from walking that we decided to kibosh our plans to go to a downtown comedy club. We ended up spending the evening in the hotel pool area. Good times. (Also, we both got bus passes.)

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 6

Tax day: President Obama paid more than former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) but less than his secretary. And because I’m Canadian, I probably paid a higher rate than all of them. Just saying.

And extrapolating from there, Obama again insists on the Buffett Rule, which I must note would affect income, period, and not just investment income, which is the source of all the loopholes. Although changing that might affect investment, period, and not just investments made for personal earning instead for business growth. Very confusing.

Obama promises that if you give him a second term, he’ll finally get around to that business about immigration reform. He reminds me of the president of the students’ association at my university, who promised to find out what students wanted her to do if they re-elected her. I’m not optimistic.

Meanwhile, Romney does the usual conservative wannabe thing by making shit up about Obama’s stance on firearms at the annual meeting of the National Rifle Association (NRA), who apparently will believe anything designed to make them angry. I wonder if these people would give me money if I told them it was good for their Second Amendment rights.

Republicans in six House committees are tasked with finding $261 billion in savings over ten years to replace the automatic cuts that come with a lack of a real debt reduction plan. And because only Republicans are looking, these cuts won’t make it past the Senate, if that far.

A Pennsylvania law would allow doctors to know which chemicals are used in fracking if a patient has been exposed to them, although they can’t actually tell the patient. As much as I think the patient doesn’t care as long as it’s curable, priorities, people. Protection of trade secrets vs. full knowledge of one’s own health problems? No contest.

Cory Booker makes everyone look bad.

Canada refuses to put money into a bailout fund for Europe, although the International Monetary Fund (IMF) says it needs an extra $600 billion in immediate bailouts and reserve funds. If only they took that hard a line on their own spending. (cough)

The United Nations sends an “observer force” to monitor the requested ceasefire in Syria. There are 30 of them, none armed. So I get half the results, I guess.

Everyone in attendance at the Summit of the Americas, except for the U.S. and Canada, insists that Cuba be allowed to join future summits. If this is an opportunity for extortion (membership in exchange for expanded individual rights), take it.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 5

Ever attended a Passover seder with a fever? I learned how much that sucks on Friday. I couldn’t even eat the potatoes I made.

President Obama focuses his re-election efforts on working women. I find it incredibly depressing that working women are a demographic of their own in 2012.

Despite the above, Obama says women are not an “interest group.” Can we have that in writing for all the women-oriented interest groups who keep donating to Democrats?

Last month’s job report: Weaker than the one before it. Given that we’ve been paying such a close eye on these reports for four years now, I can’t take monthly figures as major indicators anymore. Quarterly, maybe.

Numbers over the next quarter might improve with the signing of a new bill that would help small businesses raise capital. Or they might sink because some investors are stupid. Or something.

Even Republican superdelegates have entered the “Shut up and vote for Romney” camp. I can’t disagree, but I do want to go on record and say that superdelegates have as much value to the electoral process as super PACs.

The General Services Administration comes under fire for spending thousands on gifts for employees over four years. You might have seen the video, which appears to be a middle finger to existing oversight of this agency. They’re not wrong!

Another moderate Republican, Rep. Tim Johnson (R-IL), retires. I’d like to blame partisanship in Congress for this, but I think he’s actually serious about the “spending more time with the family” thing. Stunning.

Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) and Rep. John Larson (D-CT) call for a review of the NCAA after UConn’s basketball team is shut out of next year’s March Madness for low grades. Dumb rule? Kind of, because of the timing. Worth their attention? NO!

Canadian Opposition Leader Thomas Mulcair says if Quebec wants to secede from Canada, a 50-percent-plus-one majority should suffice, despite the law demanding more. Can the rest of us vote on letting these assholes secede? I bet you’d get way more than 50 percent plus one.

An Iranian parliamentarian says the country can produce nuclear weapons, but won’t. And the rest of the world shrugged and said, “Oh, OK. Carry on.” No, it didn’t. Idiot.

Bosnia marks the 20th anniversary of the siege of Sarajevo. Yesterday I discovered that two friends of mine who are Bosnian and unrelated were born 11 miles apart. That’s the only commentary I have to offer here.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 4

President Obama calls for the Buffett Rule, again. As much as it kind of pisses me off, I’ve accepted that the fiscal situation is such that some marginal rate will have to be boosted, and individual investments might as well be it.

Supporters of Obamacare will have to figure out a way to justify a cost of $82 trillion over the next 75 years. You know what might have helped? Figuring out a way to pay down the debt before reforming health care.

The Obama administration reminds everyone of the effect on global oil prices of sanctions on Iranian oil. I can’t say production disruptions in South Sudan are as catchy, though.

Supporters of Rep. Ron Paul’s (R-TX) presidential bid accept the inevitable (of his impending loss) without completely accepting the inevitable (voting for that other guy). Yet, anyway. Give them a month.

One person who has accepted the other inevitable is Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), probably former Gov. Mitt Romney’s (R-MA) second choice for a Robin to his Batman. He has a unique talent for attracting right-wing Republicans whose surnames start with R.

Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) may be recalled over his curbs on public sector unions. This is one of the things I love about American politics: The people get to decide if they want an early election. The Canadian system could take a cue from that.

Rep. Mike Rogers (R-AL) proposes reviving earmarks in order to secure House votes. If you’re doing it just for that reason, I think the word you’re looking for is “bribes,” Mike.

House candidate José Hernández (D-CA) is now allowed to designate himself on the ballot as an astronaut, as that’s exactly what he was in 2011. Also, Wikipedia bills him as José Hernández (astronaut), even though he no longer works for NASA. If I stopped working for a TV network tomorrow, would I suddenly disqualify myself from being known as a producer?

This is happening in Canada. It’s for charity, but it’s still ridiculous, especially since they both look like really butch women.

Syria refuses a demand from the United Nations to lay down its arms, which is curious since the rebels don’t actually have any arms to lay down. “Stop rallying against the despot-in-chief and we won’t kill you!” Yeah, that’s persuasive.

Meanwhile, a much more pointless rally against Islam takes place in Denmark. I’m sorry, they can say they oppose jihadism only all they want, but that would only make sense if they had a realistic fear of it.

The Sunday Drill, Vol. 4, No. 3

Dumber gun-related moment: President Obama making the shooting of Trayvon Martin about himself, or a supporter of former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) encouraging him to “pretend it’s Obama” at the shooting range? Choose now.

Despite economist Jeffrey Sachs being the most popular choice among the Beltway elite, Obama nominates Dartmouth College president and global health expert Jim Yong Kim for president of the World Bank. I’m sorry, I like this guy, but he’d be better as head of the World Health Organization (WHO). You need someone who knows money more broadly than he does.

The Atlantic surmises that Obama is unwilling to come out strongly in favor of gay marriage because black voters don’t approve of it. If so, is that for purely political reasons or just empathetic ones? Merits some exploration.

The White House gives up on getting Egypt to make good on its promises of democracy and sends them $1.5 billion in new aid. You’d think that would be a necessary contingency on par with keeping the peace with Israel, but nooooo. . . .

What do the Republican presidential candidates have in mind for Afghanistan? Except for Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX), who offers platitudes, criticizes Obama and has an actual idea, it seems their strategy is to offer platitudes and criticize Obama. Detailed!

Congratulations to Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-MD), now the longest-serving woman in Congress. She’s a little too feminist for my tastes, but other than that, she sounds like someone I’d get along with well.

A bill to curb insider trading in Congress is set for signature, albeit with a rather silly change that would “study” the problem of former Capitol Hill insiders selling legislative information to investors, instead of banning it. I say, if it’s not on the Internet or being spoken of in the press, nobody needs to know about it yet.

At the time I’m writing this, Quebec MP Thomas Mulcair is the likeliest pick for Canada’s next Opposition leader. Since he’s the only one of three of seven candidates for this job I can tolerate, I will only say this: Instant run-off voting is an extremely good idea. Do it more.

If you thought Syrian President Bashar Assad was a douche, wait until you meet his wife. Let’s just say she makes Lady Macbeth look charming.

Greek Deputy Prime Minister Theodoros Pangalos retires after making sense. People have thrown yogurt at him. I have to say I find that hilarious. It’s like throwing Brie at a French politician.