STORY #1: How is your sex life?
If you immediately knew which movie I was referencing up there, I salute you. Anyway, Rep. Paul Ryan’s (R-WI) sex life isn’t something I want to spend much time thinking about, although based on his history on Google, there are clearly many ladies who would beg to differ. Then the news came out that he may have once dated – GASP! SHOCK! FAINT! – a black woman. Talk immediately turned to if this would matter to election-watchers who fear his platform’s effects on blacks.
Well, if it gets them to stop defaulting to “racism!” whenever he proposes cuts to something they like – a habit common to many white left-wingers, it must be said – then maybe it merits a headline or two. Other than that, so what? I once dated an aspiring actor and I don’t expect anyone to regard that part of my relationship history as anything other than a brief lapse in judgment. I look forward to the day when interracial dating among conservative Republicans isn’t a big deal.
STORY #2: No beer for you
If nothing else, President Obama’s stint in the White House could be grand for beverage connoisseurs. He is now the first president to brew his own beer, which, if Americans didn’t enjoy beer so much, would be a fabulous “why aren’t you doing important stuff?” line for Republicans to use when quoted at baseball games. And the beer is, apparently, a beergasm. But he won’t let anyone know what’s in it. Wah waaaaah.
I love this quote from the article: “And yet, during a time of war and high unemployment, Obama is keeping his own personal beer recipe a secret.” And you’re writing about it, and citizens are complaining about it. In fact, I’m wasting precious Internet space writing about that. If you’re really going to say something nasty about Obama and secrecy, tie it in to recent security leaks and ask if this recipe will be more tightly sealed than any of that info. Fuck this, I’m getting a beer.
STORY #3: Water wars
Apparently there’s such thing as the official bottled water of the 2013 presidential inauguration, and this cycle it happens to be Saratoga Springs Water. D.C. officials are not happy with this and are demanding the use of tap water instead. On one level, it makes financial and environmental sense to stick with this; on the other hand, this is the sort of thing that I would expect campus activists to notice and few others. It’s going to be the beginning of January. Why isn’t anyone talking about supplying coffee?