For the record, I am fully aware that a) Senate nominee Todd Akin (R-MO) retracted his comment about a woman’s reproductive system “shutting down” if she is raped and b) somewhere in the world, a left-winger has said or done worse. But Akin, having no evident formal education in biology – except, perhaps, a perfunctory science credit obtained in college – must have heard that stupid thing from someone. It makes you wonder: What else would he believe if he thought saying so would benefit him politically (among other morons)?
“Pregnancy through incest is next to impossible. When a sperm cell comes near an egg with matching DNA, it recognizes that and just sort of dies in there.”
“Women’s health is never put at risk by childbirth. The thought of having a baby always makes them so happy that their bodies can literally repel disease and injury.”
“It is unnatural and wrong for two men or two women to have sex with one another. It is well-known among biologists that sex is only enjoyable if it involves a penis being inserted into a vagina.”
“Encouraging our children to be tolerant of homosexuality is really encouraging them to be homosexual. One of the neighbor kids actually did jump off a roof because someone told him to. I mean, that settles it for me.”
“Global warming is a myth. The Earth is capable of knowing when the temperature is too hot and has what you might call a thermostat it can turn down. I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere near Timbuktu.”
“Evolution is a myth. If humans evolved from monkeys, we’d all look pretty much like monkeys, only we’d be able to speak English and wear spacesuits.”
“High taxes and regulations discourage people from working hard. And I mean physically. I know one guy who has been taxed and regulated so much that he hasn’t taken a shit in five years.”
“Water pollution is nothing to be worried about. I’ve been told that, contrary to media myth, three-eyed fish are quite tasty.”
“This.”
“There is absolutely no need to use federal money to protect endangered species, since only maybe four of them are cute.”
“You shouldn’t stress yourself out over the use of pesticides and bovine growth hormone in fast food. All of those chemicals are only about 15 calories per serving.”
“I am smarter than a fifth-grader.”
