Why you couldn’t pay me to support Santorum

I had a feeling that the soul of the Republican Party, having come back to life after admitting that its last president was an embarrassment to lesser embarrassments, was en route to flaming death when former Gov. Jon Huntsman (R-UT) found himself unable to rise above the mid-single digits in national polling. That was proven beyond reasonable doubt when he dropped out and former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) didn’t. If this week’s polls are to be believed, this is the stage at which someone should be performing an exorcism.

Santorum is ahead of former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) in the latter’s home state of Michigan, of which his (far superior) father was governor, and has achieved two-thirds favorability among nationwide Republicans. In addition, in hypothetical match-ups, President Obama beats Santorum by only five, while Romney loses by seven. No doubt last week’s contraceptive rule debate (which seems to have died down, thank GAWD) improved Santorum’s standing among the social conservative wing.

The one thing for which I will give Santorum credit is that it’s very easy to decide about him. He has appeal in blue-collar states; he’s a fairly good talker; his personal life is unblemished. (I’m sure he made out with a dude once. Come on, he did.) You know exactly what he stands for, unlike Romney. Unfortunately, that includes these:

• Women in the military turn men into sopping messes.
• Pregnancy due to rape is as much a gift as pregnancy due to consensual sex.
• States should be able to outlaw contraception.
• And sodomy.
• He can’t decide if education and careers are good for women or not.
• Abortion is to blame for Social Security problems.
• The Constitution doesn’t guarantee privacy.

I tend to follow the position taken by The West Wing when it comes to that last one, but it’s up for much more debate than the others. The reason I would never support him is this: I can’t trust him to place objective ideals of personal freedom and limited government (state or federal) above his own view of what society should be. That view is almost entirely derived from a doctrinaire approach to Catholicism that not even most Catholics take. He wants to be the first American Pope? Fine. But he doesn’t deserve to be president.

But they should nominate him anyway. I rather relish the idea of seeing him squirm at the knowledge that his ridiculousness will only carry him so far.