In North Korea, only two letters change

My friend Graham on the death of North Korean leader Kim Jong-il: “The batshit crazy wingnut is gone and we’re supposed to feel WORRIED about the “stability” of the region? Gimme a fuckin break!” Me, in response: “Of course we are. He left behind a party full of other batshit crazy wingnuts.” And barring a revolution or the end of the Kim dynasty, in which they’d be replaced by some Gorbachev type who brought about gradual reforms, the batshit crazy wingnuts will be in charge for a long time.

Despite some early speculation that his more powerful aunt and uncle might take over, 27-year-old Kim Jong-un (hereafter known as Kim 2), son of the “favorite” of Kim 1′s four wives (I’ll hold back all Gingrich jokes), was announced as the “Great Successor” yesterday. He already appears to have inherited the cult of personality his father and grandfather enjoyed, having been dubbed by the state news agency “the outstanding leader of our party, army and people.” No trustworthy word on what actual citizens think, of course.

I say this because it’s important, going forward, to know how they really feel. Since there’s no Internet and 1 percent mobile phone access in North Korea, and their press freedom is second-last to Eritrea, the only way to figure that out is through covert operations. Have they been successfully brainwashed into believing the Kim regime has done them right? Or are they too afraid of retaliation to open their mouths?

No matter how anyone brings about democracy in North Korea, I can tell you that they won’t come from this family. Kim 2 has shown no signs of being any different from Kim 1. I suppose there’s a slim possibility that, like Raul Castro, he’s secretly a small-d democrat who went along with his father’s schemes until he kicked the bucket. But that’s nothing you can bank on.

So, if all present coverage from non-propaganda sources is true, what’s really going to change with Kim 1 spending eternity as a toy department stocker in Hell’s Wal-Mart? Two letters. That’s all. We’re replacing an il with an un. Everyone who was already on guard about North Korea’s nuclear program will continue to be so. But maybe we’ll stop falling for that starvation trick and sending those massive aid packages. (I have no doubt the people are starving, but if you think the regime is spending aid money on that little problem, you’re as insane as they are.)

And by the way, for all you Anonymous hackers out there hoping to cripple American banks, you might want to re-evaluate your priorities and send a virus to their nuclear facilities. Much obliged.