It’s time once again for The Future American’s FAIL OF THE WEEK! Every Saturday, I name a person or group who has spent the past seven days behaving in a particularly idiotic way. Since it’s my belief that idiocy knows no politics, nobody is safe.
This week’s fail was brought to you by the New Democratic Party (NDP) of Manitoba. We’ll be going to the polls to vote for premier on Tuesday; I haven’t given enough of a shit about this election to mention it’s existence here. That’s because, like every other election that ever takes place in Canada, the candidates are running on the basis of who can best preserve the status quo. And I mean that as literally as possible in this case.
Around town, I’ve seen signs encouraging voters not to let the Progressive Conservative Party and its leader, Hugh “Evil Incarnate” McFadyen, make serious cuts to public health care or privatize Manitoba Hydro – which, it should be noted, has a de facto monopoly on energy generation in this province and does the bare minimum with it. The only trouble is that Hugh “Devil’s Reject” McFadyen never promised to do either. Here’s what’s really going to happen:
- The PCs promise to hire 1,700 nurses, 250 doctors and 40 physician assistants.
- The NDP promises to hire 2,000 nurses, 200 doctors and 50 physician assistants.
- The PCs have never promised to privatize Hydro. This claim is based on the fact that they privatized MTS, our landline phone provider, when they were last in government in 1999.
In short: On health care, they might as well be the same party; on Hydro, the NDP is running on the basis of . . . nothing at all. It’s a complete fabrication, based on the judgment of a government that existed 12 years ago. It’s true that Hugh “Son of Satan” McFadyen’s aunt was a minister in that government, but they didn’t have any designs on Hydro then, either. Perhaps they saw the difference in practicality between a public entity that provides phones and a public entity that provides power?
Of course, the PCs aren’t much better, as they have few ideas that differentiate them from the Dippers. That’s why I intend to vote for the Liberal Party (which, despite its name, is actually fairly centrist). They don’t have a hope in hell of forming a government, but at least I can vote for them without wanting to kill myself afterward. It’s entirely possible that Hugh “Giant Douche” McFadyen will become premier, but I’d choose Hugh “Turd Sandwich” McFadyen over Premier Greg “Wait, I Was Supposed to Do Stuff?” Selinger.